What is restraint collapse?

Restraint collapse, a phenomenon that is becoming more recognized in the neurodivergent community, happens when individuals who have been concealing or suppressing their neurodivergent characteristics for an extended period of time suddenly experience a significant breakdown in their ability to regulate emotions and cope with stressors.  It may present as emotional outbursts, shutdowns, meltdowns, withdrawing, or physical symptoms like fatigue and sensory overload. Restraint collapse can happen after school, work, or a day in the community.

Andrea Loewen Nair, the London, Ont.-based counsellor and parenting educator who coined the term after-school restraint collapse, says it happens because children who keep themselves together all day end up releasing their emotions once they get to a safe place which is usually home. Many neurodiverse children and adults mask at school or in the workplace. Autistic masking, camouflaging, or compensating is a conscious or unconscious suppression of natural autistic responses. It is hiding or controlling behaviors associated with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) that may be viewed as inappropriate in situations. Autistic people may feel the need to present or perform social behaviors that are considered neurotypical or may hide neurodiverse behaviors in order to be accepted and fit in.

The presentation of restraint collapse will vary with each person’s unique neurodivergent characteristics. Meghan Barbano, Neurodivergent-AuDHD Professional, says:

While some may experience abrupt emotional outbursts or meltdowns, marked by heightened feelings of frustration, anxiety, or overwhelm, others might undergo shutdowns, withdrawing or disengaging from their surroundings as a means of coping with sensory overload or emotional distress. Additionally, physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, or stomachaches frequently accompany restraint collapse.

There may also be other behavioral changes such as:

• anger towards themselves or others
• impulsive behavior
• refusal to do simple requests

What are some of the reasons for this build up of emotions leading to restraint collapse?

While after school behaviors of concern may be more prevalent at the beginning of the school year, for some children they happen throughout the school year. Such was the case for my autistic daughter who required 90 minutes of alone time with no demands made on her when she first came home from school. On the ride home from school, she often swore a great deal and did not want to converse. I always backed off and gave her that time to decompress because she held it together all day at school, a difficult thing for her do. As an adult, she has shared me with me that she only felt two things in elementary school – happiness and “blank”.

The Sensory Direct website states that some children (and adults too) may have had a whole day of:

• dysregulation
• sensory overwhelm with new smells and sensory experiences
• frustration
• new routines
• socialization difficulties in the playground with friends or colleagues in the workplace
• low confidence about their work
• trying to sit still and remember things taught previously
• not calling out
• listening and following instructions
• suppression of feelings

What we can we do to help individuals who are experiencing restraint collapse?

There are a number of things we can do to help children and adults who are experiencing restraint collapse. Here are some things to try:

Meet basic needs – Address basic needs such as hunger, thirst, fatigue and feeling uncomfortable because of clothing. An individual may not know what to ask for because of not understanding interoceptive signals. Offer healthy snacks, stay hydrated, change into a comfortable outfit after school, work, or a day out in the community. My autistic son always gets into sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt when he gets home from his programs. Both of my adult children have a healthy snack and water at 4 pm.

Allow time for decompression – This may be alone time, meditation, relaxation or engaging in activities of their choice. My son loves to decompress by coloring in a coloring book or meditating to classical music.

Have established routines – Routines offer predictability which lowers anxiety. Try to have a comforting, familiar routine in place for home at the end of the day.

Connect – Some individuals need to connect and be with a loved one for reassurance. Set aside time to unplug together – cook, read, play, or go for a walk.

Engage in exercise or movement – Regular exercise lessens anxiety and improves sleep. Moving the body can release pent-up energy.

Spend time outdoors – Being outside reduces anger, fear and stress, and contributes to physical well-being by reducing blood pressure, heart rate, muscle tension, and the production of stress hormones such as cortisol. Outdoor activity can also support a better sleep at night.

Provide structure and limit choices – Offering too many options can be overwhelming. Learn more about offering structured choices here.

Build interoceptive awareness – Help an individual to recognize the signals their body is sending to them and how to respond. We can help build interoceptive awareness informally through noticing bodily changes, names those changes, using a body check chart, and developing a sensory diet.

Co-regulate – Adults may have to act as the external nervous systems for autistic individuals who are experiencing stress and anxiety. When adults co-regulate with individuals, they can demonstrate that they are safe and also that the adults are safe people to go to when stressed. When dysregulated people are met with support and empathy, they will be able to better regulate themselves over time.

Use Low Arousal Approaches to Prevent Meltdowns or Provide Support During One

The most important thing is to be there for support and help the person to feel safe. Remain calm and don’t add fuel to the fire. Try to:

• Give personal space. 
• Reduce eye contact. Just give intermittent eye contact.
• Avoid touching a person. Skin sensitivity increases with escalation of arousal. Our attempt to offer soothing or reassuring physical contact could be interpreted very differently by the distressed or angry individual that we are trying to calm. It is probably best to avoid initiating physical contact in the higher states of arousal.
• Reduce noise levels. Turn off the music or TV and reduce background noise.
• Remove others. Don’t try and move the person having the meltdown as this can escalate arousal levels. Get other people out of the way.

When a person is building towards a meltdown, try and distract or redirect them. You can do this by:

• Offering something tangible. Are there any foods, drinks, favorite toys or objects of interest that the individual might be more interested in than the current problem? If offering these, make sure they are available, ‘follow through’ and give them to the person.
• Offering something non-tangible. The same principles for tangibles could be applied to favored topics of conversation, interests and activities. My daughter loves to talk about cats; my son enjoys talking about transportation, British period dramas, and horses.
• Think of something funny or surprising. It’s very difficult to stay angry if you’re laughing! If we can do something that makes the person laugh, or that shocks them (in a good way), this might be enough to break the escalation of their arousal. Sing, dance, or tell your favorite (clean) joke! The YouTube Kitty Kat Dance does it for my daughter every time!

When supporting neurodivergent children and adults who experience restraint collapse, try not to take things personally. You are their safe place to fall and as a safe person, your message must be one of enduring, no-matter-what, love and acceptance.

References

Barabano, M. (February, 2024). Understanding Restraint Collapse in Neurodivergent Individuals: Strategies for Support at School and Work. Neurodivergent Consultant

Fisher, I. (November 11, 2024). How to Help Your Autistic Child Relax After School. Autism Parenting Magazine

Kinsley, D. Home is Where the Meltdowns Are: How to Address After-School Restraint Collapse. Handy Handouts, Super Duper Publications

Steer, K. (September 11, 2024). Why Does My Child Struggle After School? Sensory Direct