Gift Giving and Receiving with Autistic Individuals This Holiday Season

The Christmas season is a time of giving and receiving – gift exchanges at school or work, Secret Santa, sharing gifts with family and friends. Gift giving and receiving can be stressful for autistic individuals. Some autistic children find presents overwhelming. Tearing off wrapping paper can be hard for people with fine motor issues. Others might feel anxious about not knowing what’s inside a wrapped box. The social interaction and expectations involved in giving gifts can be challenging.

As everyone experiences autism differently, it can be difficult to know what gifts are a good option for an autistic person. Autistic children often don’t have the same interest in traditional toys and will find other items more engaging. Let’s look at some things to consider when making a gift choice for an autistic individual and explore some gift ideas.

Know a Person’s Interests

When selecting a gift, keep in mind what the person’s interests are. Using this approach helps to ensure the gift is not only meaningful, but also tailored to the individual’s preferences.  Avoid generic gifts or something that centers around a common theme that may not be of interest. Some interests are not always age appropriate but that’s OK. We shouldn’t place a judgment on that. For example, my 27 year old son still loves Thomas the Tank Engine. I try to get him a new engine every Christmas to add to his collection, which is proudly displayed in glass cases on his bedroom wall.

In the blog post Preferred Gifts for Autistic Adults, autistic author Jane Lively says:

Non-autistic people don’t perceive life experiences the same as autistic people. All my wants, dreams and priorities revolve around my special interests.

When someone refuses to gift me something pertaining to my special interests, that’s invalidating.

A relative once told me he couldn’t justify giving me a gift card because I would “spend it on something pointless, like marbles”.

Whatever negative notions you have of an autistic person’s special interests doesn’t matter. Someone else’s interests don’t have to match up with yours.

Here are some gift ideas related to interests:

Movie/ TV Shows – DVDs, boxed sets of complete series, posters, collectables, companion books, or apparel.

Hobbies – Supplies or kits related to the hobby. My son loves word searches so we give him a couple of new word search books every Christmas. Does the person like to experiment? Maybe a chemistry kit might be exciting. For those who like to do crafting or build things, there are all kinds of different kits available.

Music – iTunes gift card, CDs, concert tickets, soundtrack from a favorite film

Art – Sketch books, coloring pencils or paints, prints, paint by numbers, coloring books

Calendars – I get both of my children a new calendar every Christmas around a topic that support their interests. Last year, my son received a train calendar; my daughter got one of black cats. I also get my daughter a daily desk calendar about cats misbehaving to have at her computer station. She has a great sense of humor!

Sensory Friendly Gifts

Sensory-friendly gifts can support autistic individuals by providing comfort, stimulation, and relaxation opportunities. These gifts are designed to cater to individual sensory needs and preferences. Sensory items that focus on touch, sound, lights and movement can be good choices. Here are two categories of sensory-friendly gift ideas: calming items and sensory tools, and visual stimulation gifts.

Calming Items and Sensory Tools

Calming items and sensory tools create a soothing environment. These gifts can help individuals manage sensory overload, reduce anxiety, and promote relaxation. Sensory-friendly gifts can also support regulation and give a person a sense of calm.

Weighted Blanket or Weighted Animals – These are heavy blankets or animals that give gentle pressure. They can help with regulation, relaxation, and anxiety reduction. Ask the parent/caregiver if the autistic person likes gentle pressure as not all people do.

Fidget Toys – These are small, hand-held items that foster tactile engagement. Some examples would be a fidget spinner, squeeze ball, Tangle toy, or a Fidget for Your Digit. You could think about putting together a little kit that has a range of fun, small-sized toys in different colors and textures.

Sensory Cushions, Bean Bag Chair, or Balls – Some people need different seating options to feel just right. A peanut ball, therapy ball, bean bag chair, soft textured cushions, or a vibrating cushion can provide comfort.

Visual Stimulation Gifts

Visual stimulation gifts are designed to engage the visual senses and give a feeling of calmness. These gifts can help reduce anxiety and engage attention.

Motion Lamps – These are lamps that create moving light patterns.

Lava Lamps – These lamps can be chosen in a range of colors with the “lava” moving at a calming, slow pace to relax and soothe. My daughter has a Sonic the Hedgehog one with sparkles in it on her nightstand.

Liquid or Sand Timers – These are timers that have liquid or sand that moves through them from one end to the other. They come in different colors and sizes. Some will move the liquid or sand through slower depending on the size or viscosity of the liquid.

Educational and Social Engagement Gifts

Puzzles, board and learning games can help build skills around memory, problem solving, and communication. Games are not only entertaining and enjoyable, but also help in developing cognitive and social skills through interactive play.

Puzzles – Available in a wide range of levels and themes that support interests.

Causes and Effect Games – These can promote turn taking and are fun to play. Kerplunk, Crocodile Dentist, Don’t Break the Ice, Don’t Wake Daddy and Jenga are some good choices.

Interactive Games  – Ticket to Ride (working together to build train routes), Catan (civilization building strategy game available in different themes), and Dixit (family storytelling)

Receiving Gifts as an Autistic Person

An autistic person’s reaction to receiving gifts may be different from what you might expect. The expectation to react in a certain way to gifts can be very stressful for autistic people, causing some to not want to receive gifts at all.

Here are some ideas for autistic people to help make receiving gifts easier.

1. Communicate Your Wishes – If opening gifts in front of other people is stressful, let someone know. Give a wish list and ask that people stick to the items on that list. The gift-giver will want the receiver to have a positive experience so work together on a good outcome.
2. Open Gifts Privately – If it’s better to open gifts in a quiet manner and alone, let your wishes be known. When my children were younger, they could not tolerate opening all of their gifts on Christmas day and not at a big family gathering. We used the entire holiday week to open gifts to reduce the pressure and stress.
3. Gift Opening Etiquette – Not all autistic people know how to act or react when receiving a gift. Autism BC has a great article on the steps of gift opening etiquette.
4. Alternatives to Gifts – If you prefer not receive gifts, let people know ahead of time. Suggest a donation to a favorite charity instead. If there is a work event with gift giving, try a white elephant gift exchange where gifts are swapped and it doesn’t matter what you give or receive.

Selecting meaningful gifts for autistic individuals requires thought and respect for a person’s preferences. Consider an individual’s needs and what would make them happy. By honoring a person’s passions and interests, your gift will show that you put thought into choosing the right thing. Gift giving can be a wonderful expression of care and support.

I wish all of my readers across the world all the best of the holiday season. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

References

Hall. E. 20 Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Loved Ones With Autism. Homage

Hopkinson, T. (November 30, 2023) The Autistic Person’s Guide to Receiving Gifts. Autism BC

Orzel, F. (August 12, 2024) 12 Meaningful Gifts for Autistic Adults. Connect N Care