Self-Care for the Caregiver – Moving Beyond Surviving

Caregiving has its rewards and challenges. While caregiving is a labor of love, it also has another side to it that affects employment, physical/mental health, relationships, and well-being. As we age, we also have to assess how feasible is it to provide support long-term because of retirement, health, and the reality of aging. Caregiving can be all consuming at times, making it difficult to balance one’s own personal needs and aspirations while taking care of the needs of a loved one. There is a wide range of responsibilities such as personal care, preparing meals, shopping and housekeeping, transportation and care co-ordination, health-care-related tasks, advocacy, providing emotional support, and management of finances.

Information about caregiving tends to focus on caring for aging parents or someone with an illness; however, there is a growing number of people looking after adults with intellectual/developmental disabilities. Families tend to be the primary caregivers for a number of reasons such as lack of affordable and appropriate housing, inadequate supports funding, and a shortage of staff. According to the Canadian Centre for Caregiving Excellence, only 50 per cent of care providers remain in the sector for more than five years, often citing burnout due to staffing challenges as key reason to leave.

Self-care is important for health, well-being, and to avoid burnout. Think of the message a flight attendant gives on an airline – put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others. What is self-care and how do we do it?

What is self-care?

Self-care is anything we can do to take care of ourselves; something just for us. It doesn’t include the day to day things in life such as going to work, running errands or housework.

There are several aspects of self-care:

1. Physical health and wellness
2. Psychological care such as the reduction of stress/anxiety and other mental health issues.
3. Emotional care – what makes you content and supports well-being? Emotional self-care is about giving yourself the attention and support you need to feel emotionally healthy.
4. Spiritual – some examples are connecting with nature, mindfulness, prayer, journaling, enjoying solitude, expressing gratitude, attending a retreat.

Self-care can be done in a variety of ways and settings. You can do it:

• alone
• with professionals
• in a support group
• with family members/friends
• with a counsellor
• reading books ( I just read a good one by autistic author Katherine May called Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times which as helped me change my viewpoint and feelings about the winter season.)
• attending classes
• through the internet

Caregivers tend to always put themselves last or see self-care as something selfish; it is anything but! They may say, “I have no time” or “I’m too busy”, but no one can be there for other people all of the time. There needs to be a balance. Schedule time to take care of yourself, otherwise it won’t happen.

What things can you do to support self-care?

There are so many things one can do to support self-care. Here are 10 suggestions:

1. Accept help. Reach out to friends and family if you can and ask for help such as having a meal made, walking the dog, or ask them to run errands when they are out and about. Practice saying “yes” when someone offers help or saying “no” when more tasks fall on your plate.
2. Spend time outdoors. Interacting with nature has cognitive benefits such as improved working memory, cognitive flexibility and attentional control. Nature can help decrease anxiety levels and help lessen stress and feelings of anger.
3. Set realistic, small goals. A small goal could be reading a few pages of a book or cleaning out one drawer. Keep it manageable. Accomplishing small tasks feels good.
4. Find resources to make life easier. Having groceries delivered may be easier than going out and shopping in person. Local libraries offer many great services for free.
5. Join a support group. Many local autism societies and disability groups offering support groups online or in person. Churches and community centers may offer something as well. Support groups don’t have to be specific to your situation.
6. Connect socially. Try to socialize with family and friends to get emotional support.
7. Speak to your doctor. Talk to your doctor if you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, burnt out or unwell. They can help direct you to resources and come up with a personalized plan for your well being.
8. Try to exercise daily. A short walk, some stretching, yoga or lifting a few weights can support feelings of well being. Even 10 – 15 minutes will make you feel better.
9. Eat healthy. Try to maintain a healthy diet. Eating healthy foods keeps your energy up. Cook things is larger batches and freeze them to have on hand for those low energy days. Smaller meals 4 times a day may work better for some people. Healthy food
10. Disconnect from electronics for a period of time everyday. Limit how much news you read. It’s also good to unplug at least an hour before bed to help get a good night’s sleep. Don’t have tech devices in the bedroom as blue light affects sleep quality.

For more self-care ideas, Caregivers Alberta has a 101 Ways to Take Care of Yourself and Reduce Stress list.

My Own Story

I am the mother of two autistic children ages 28 and 25 who live at home and require a high level of care. When they were young, I neglected my self-care needs for a number of reasons such as not enough support funding, lack of staff, neither child slept well which kept me awake for up to 20 hours a day for 10 years, both were on specialized diets, and each of them had unique, extraordinary needs. I eventually ended up in a complete state of mental collapse and was misdiagnosed and treated for bipolar disorder. My recovery from this took 3 years and was one of the darkest periods of my life.

My best friend, a nurse, encouraged and supported self-care as part of my recovery. It was a slow process, but one that grew as I began to feel the benefits of taking care of myself and not thinking I was a bad person or mother for doing so.

One of the life-changing things I did was taking up figure skate at the age of 40. Skating is the most freeing thing I have ever done because you can’t think about anything else when you are on the ice – if you do, you tend to fall down. This singular focus that happened only when I was on the ice gave me a mental break from my parenting demands and work stress. It also had other effects such as regulating my cortisol patterns so that I could have a good night’s sleep, weight loss, building strength and stamina, but the most important benefit was social. I connected with a group of adults who were drawn together by the passion for skating, lead by a coach who transformed my life. I continue to skate with this adult group and the friendships have enriched my life.  Ten years ago, my social circle was broadened internationally by starting to regularly compete in an ice competition in Germany.

At nearly 60 years of age, I need both of my knees replaced due to severe arthritis. Without skating, I would be using a walker or a wheelchair and would struggle to look after my children. This one act of self-care transformed my life in ways I could never have predicted. It has kept me healthy both mentally and physically and able to face my daily caregiving challenges with energy, confidence, and strength.

It’s important to support and nurture caregivers so that they can continue to support their loved ones who depend on them. We also need to recognize that they can’t do it alone and need community resources to ease their responsibilities. Caregivers need to be able to thrive, not just survive. If you know a caregiver that needs support, reach out. Sometimes we are too overwhelmed to ask for what we need, but an offer of help can go a long way in fostering health and well-being.